Don't Forget To Breathe

One Small Step...

2009-12-13T00:00:00.000-08:00

Well, Lily keeps hitting her milestones. These were not her first steps, she just started walking the other day, a few steps here and there. Five days ago was the one year anniversary of Lily's due date, so she's right on time. Go Lily!

Happy Birthday Lily!

2009-10-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

I know I've been a bit lax lately with the updates, so I thought I'd use the occasion of Lily's 1st birthday to get you caught up and get back on track. So here goes.

It's hard to believe a year has passed. When Amanda and I think back to this time last year and the general state of shock we were in, we never could have imagined how things turned out. Lily has grown past all our expectations and turns people to mush everywhere she goes. She shows absolutely no signs of premature birth, and is catching up nicely on her growth chart.

At the end of June, we were a little concerned with some of her progress. Coming up on nine months, Lily hadn't been sitting up yet and was very objectionable to tummy time. Our community health nurse, Sue, gave us a few exercises to work on but Lily wasn't all that interested.

By July 5th, Lily was sitting up on her own. And for a few weeks, that was all she wanted to do. She would sit up in bed and tear apart a magazine, or eat, or just hang out with us. Until she discovered walking. Just about a month later, at the beginning of August, Lily officially became an explorer. With the help of mom or dad, or anyone who wanted to hold her by the hands, Lily started cruising all over the place. The problem was she was no longer interested in sitting, when we would put her on the floor to sit she would start crying until someone helped her up and took her for a walk.

Until she started climbing. At a doctors appointment on August 11th, her 10 month birthday, which is considered her 8th month developmentally, I was holding her in a standing position when she put one foot up on the footrest of a chair and then pushed herself up onto the step. In my disbelief, I put her back down and she did it again. As soon as we got home, I wanted to see if that was a fluke or if she was ready for stairs. I put her in front of our stairs and she put one foot up and then the other. I was holding her up but not helping her, she went up the stair all by herself. And then the next, and the next, until she had climbed an entire flight of stairs. I was in shock, but I really shouldn't have been, considering her track record of amazement. She now goes up the stairs like she was born doing it,

At this time Lily was dependent on one of us to get around, we would hold her hands and she would wander. Then in early September she began to crawl. Slowly at first, a few steps here and there. She would crawl with one knee on the floor and use her other foot to push her along. That went on until near the end of September when she started crawling on both knees at light speed. When she started crawling up the two steps from the living room to the kitchen, we had to start putting up defenses and finally got our first gate.

On October 1st, we found Lily standing up in her crib for the first time.

And a few days later, here she is looking out the window.

So here we are on Lily's first birthday. I made her pancakes this morning, something I've been looking forward to for a year now, and hope to do for years to come.

The little girl who once weighed 2lbs, 6oz, is now just about larger than life, and if you could measure her by her smile alone, she would be larger than life. Wherever we take her, there are two questions we get more than any others, "does she always smile that much?" and "is she always that happy?"

Yes.

Happy Birthday Lily. We love you.

Don't forget to breathe.

Football Larry

2009-09-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

For the first time since I started this blog nearly a year ago, I have had to remind myself to breathe. My father passed away last week, Friday, September 18th, two days after his 74th birthday. The flood of emotions has been overwhelming, but I somehow find myself breathing in and breathing out.

I have sometimes described my dad as the biggest pain in the ass in my life, but he was also the best man I ever knew. I am deeply saddened to know that my daughter will not get to know Grampa Larry and that he only had a glimpse into her life. Since shortly after Lily was born, we have been planning on moving back to Michigan to be closer to family, and I know that made my father happy as he continued to battle his health issues.

I couldn't speak at my father's funeral because I don't think I could have kept it together, but there are some things I would like to share from my 43 years of memories and lessons learned. I often hear people say "mad father taught me how to be a man," but more importantly, my father taught me how to be a person. I learned from my father that when someone needs you, you're there. When someone needs to talk you lend an ear, when someone needs to cry you lend a shoulder, when someone needs a dollar you lend two. When someone goes through a door you hold it open, when someone is down you pick him up.

One of my earliest memories was the day my dad brought home or first family dog. Without telling anyone, he brought the dog home, came inside, and said "come outside, I want you to see something." My mom, my sisters and I, five years old or so at the time, went outside, and there was our puppy. That was the first time I learned of my dad's love of surprise.

To my father, there was nothing more important than family. In my youth, when he often worked long hours and was extremely busy during tax season, his receptionist was told to put any call through to him that came from family, a simple act that instilled a strong sense of family in me. The family vacations we took were probably some of the greatest joys he ever had. He wanted his children to experience as much as we possibly could.

When I was in the fourth grade, dad started getting season football tickets to his beloved University of Michigan, which he continued to do until his death 32 years later. When I graduated high school, I think we had missed about three games in those eight years. Football Saturdays in Ann Arbor were the greatest Saturdays a son could spend with his father. But it wasn't enough to take me to the games, he always had at least four tickets, and enjoyed sharing his extra seats with different people every game. Years later, after I had moved out of town, he had his seats together with an old family friend who was now bringing his young son to the games. It was this five year old who gave my dad the moniker "Football Larry," a nickname he wore as proud as the maize and blue beanie he used to wear to the games.

If the measure of a man is the impact he has on other peoples lives, my father was a great man. Although he had his flaws, as we all do, anyone who knew him for who he truly was, knew the sharpness of his mind, the warmth of his heart, and the goodness and generosity of his soul. My father left this world with nothing because he gave everything he had. He taught me to give, he taught me to love, and he taught me to live.

I miss him already.

(Don't forget to breathe.)

I Can't Walk Yet, But...

2009-03-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

I can't walk yet, so I'm not really sure how mom and dad expect me to go three and a half miles in a mere 39 days, but that seems to be the plan. On May 3, 2009, Mom, Dad and I will be walking to raise money for March of Dimes. That means I have to do a shameless plug here and ask you to donate. It's pretty well documented how small I was when I was born, but in case you need a reminder...

October 15, 2008

The other day, I was weighed at 12lbs, 5oz. It's hard to believe I was ever that small, but thanks to organizations like March of Dimes, I have thrived.

March 3, 2009

Here's a link if you want to find out more

Thanks! and...

Don't Forget To Breathe

My Turn

2009-03-07T13:00:00.000-08:00

O.K., I'm taking over this blog now. My daddy has been "too busy" lately to keep you posted on my progress, so I thought I'd chime in myself.

First of all, I've been sleeping in my new crib the past few weeks and I think I like it. I have a pretty mobile over my head that plays some music over and over. I wish I could change the music from time to time, but I like the spinning stuff. It keeps me occupied until I fall asleep. My mom says it was kind of weird at first when I wasn't in the bedroom with her and dad the first few nights, but every time I started crying, one of them was right there right away. It's as if they're monitoring me or something.

On the subject of sleeping, I guess I take after my dad, because that is now one of my favorite things to do. I never realized those first few months what I was missing. Lately, I've been going to bed between 8-9pm, and I usually sleep until at least 5am, sometimes as late as 7:30. Then I get up and have a nice breakfast, which I prefer rather than eating every few hours all night. I feel much better rested this way, and coincidentally, so do my mommy and daddy. To all you newborns out there, I recommend this sleep thing as soon as you can!

Here I am in my new crib.

How cute am I?

On Wednesday, March 4, I weighed in at 11 lbs, 11 oz. They switched my formula to a new one with fewer calories because I was growing so well, I don't need the special preemie formula anymore, so I may not be gaining as much as I used to. We'll see what happens when I adjust to the new stuff.

Also of note, mom and dad have been playing a lot of music for me. So far my favorites are Nina Simone, The Beatles, Miles Davis, The Grateful Dead, and whatever else come up on the ipod shuffle.

Don't Forget To Breathe

Movie Night

2009-02-12T11:54:00.000-08:00

We went to see Slumdog Millionaire the other night, which is a great movie, if you haven't seen it yet, you should. I know I don't usually write about movies here, and this is no exception. The point is, we went to a movie. In the theater. With popcorn. My mom was in town, and insisted that we go out at least one night while she stayed home with Lily. She said it would be good for us to get out, although I believe she had ulterior motives for getting rid of us, i.e. spending a few hours alone with her granddaughter and using that time to brainwash her about the joys of shopping. It was a bit surreal leaving the house, but we felt we had sufficiently trained my mom in how to take care of a baby, that we could sneak away for a little bit. Miraculously, when we got back home, everyone was ok, and we all went out for dinner. My mom went back home yesterday, Lily has been de-programmed, and we got to see a great movie. Thanks Mom!

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Back To The Grind

2009-02-08T23:30:00.000-08:00

Lily was 17 weeks old yesterday, and weighed in at 10lbs, 1oz a few days ago, now more than 4 times her birth weight of 2lbs, 6oz. I can actually hug her now when I hold her without feeling like I'm going to do her harm.

Lily's new favorite thing to do is Smile! Her second new favorite thing to do is Sleep!

She's been sleeping much better the past week or two, sleeping as much as 6-7 hours at a time. She still hasn't slept through the night yet, but has come dangerously close.

She has been smiling quite a bit the past few days, and that has been great to see.

Tomorrow is Amanda's first day going back to work. We've been extremely lucky to have both spent the amount of time with Lily these past few weeks as we have. I have travelled a little, and worked a few days here and there in town, but have been home for the most part. Amanda has been fortunate to have the amount of time off from work that she's had, and we're sad to see that come to an end.

The good news is she'll only be working half days, and should be home by noon most days. I'll stay home with Lily, travel on the weekends when I have to, and work in the afternoon/evenings in Seattle when I can.

These pictures were all taken this afternoon. Enjoy.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Brief Update

2009-01-25T23:35:00.000-08:00

9lbs 8oz.

Way to g(r)o(w) Lily.

She's A Big Girl Now

2009-01-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

8lbs, 2oz yesterday!

Here's a backlog of pics...

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't been posting as much as I'd like to and as much as you want to keep up with Lily's progress, but we've been in a routine of every day stuff lately, and haven't had anything major to report. Also, between making formula, cleaning bottles, taking care of Pearl, taking care of the house, um... nevermind, I'm not starting out the new year making excuses, I'll try to be more diligent.

On 12/26, Lily weighed seven pounds exactly, and measured 19 inches tall. She is pretty close to outgrowing all her preemie clothes, and fits nicely in some newborn outfits already. Her reflux is a little better, but she is still fussy during most nights, and will sometimes only sleep if being held. She is starting to have longer periods of being awake, sometimes for an hour or two, and enjoys lying on her play mat and staring at all the pretty colors. She also seems to stare at us sometimes, and I can't say I blame her. She is big enough now to hang out in her swing, and also enjoys her new bath.

Although Lily is just shy of 12 weeks, she has already made some significant New Years resolutions. I'm usually not a big fan of resolutions because I think January 1st is an arbitrary date to start doing things you should be doing anyway, but in Lily's case, I think it's appropriate. Lily's resolutions for 2009:

To hold her head up on her own,

To sleep through the night,

To let mommy and daddy sleep through the night,

To smile and laugh ( a lot),

To crawl,

To say a few words,

To take her first trip to Michigan,

To stay healthy and strong.

We hope you all have a healthy, happy, joyous, prosperous 2009!

Don't Forget to Breathe.

Random Thoughts, Pt. 2

2008-12-16T10:40:00.000-08:00

This past spring when I was working hockey playoffs, I was on the road for about eight weeks, spending about 6-7 days at home during that stretch. Living in Seattle, it was impossible to get home between games when we were working every other day, but my producer lives outside Boston, and since we spent a lot of time working on the East Coast, he was able to get home a little more often. The first time I saw him after a visit home, I commented that it must've been nice to sleep in his own bed and get a good rest. He said he was up in the middle of the night feeding the baby, his youngest of four. I said, "You're home for one night and your wife makes you feed the baby? Doesn't she know how little sleep we get on the road?" I get it now.

Amanda and I have been extremely lucky to both be spending as much time at home with Lily as we have been. She'll probably go back to work around the end of January, and I'll probably be the stay-at-home dad, traveling some on the weekends. But if I had been working regularly, or if Amanda had to go back to work sooner, I don't know how we would have done it. I suppose we would have managed, but I really don't know how working families take care of newborns, particularly when there are already other kids at home. So much for my plan of tapping in to my bank of sleep stored up from college.

Meanwhile, Lily is doing great, but the reason for my thoughts above is how fussy she can be at times, and how sometimes she won't sleep unless one of us is holding her. At times she sleeps like a dream, like right now, she is sleeping next to me while I write this, and Amanda and Pearl are asleep upstairs. Last week she weighed 6lbs, 2oz (I've been lax in my updates), and should be around 6 1/2 lbs or so by now, and we hope to get her weighed in the next day or two. She is on the verge of outgrowing her preemie clothes and preemie diapers, and is now taking about 2.5 oz of food per feeding. Our recent cold weather has kept us inside more the last few days, but as previously noted, she is quite comfortable in Amanda's sling. Although it's probably a bit soon, she's had some tummy time and is beginning to push herself up a little bit and turns her head already. And as Amanda likes to say, she found her voice. When she's hungry, she lets us know it.

But enough of my ramblings, here's some recent pics.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Update: We weighed her this evening at 6lbs, 9oz.

Lily, 12/15/08

Finding her voice

Lily and her Mom

Pearl gets her licks in

Just chillin'

Pearl's new best friend

Lily and her Dad

D-Day

2008-12-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

Today is the day we were waiting for. Until eight weeks ago, that is. Today is Lily's due date, and the little pooper is eight weeks old exactly. We won't be able to weigh her today, but two days ago she weighed 5lbs, 14oz, and has been gaining roughly an ounce a day, so we are guessing she is right around 6lbs today. I don't think we ever would have guessed when she was born that she'd be six pounds by her due date, but as they say, they grow so quickly.

In the last week, Lily has taken to walking. Mostly in a passive role. We took her for a few short walks in her stroller, and more recently Amanda has been using her Moby wrap. A Moby wrap is basically a big piece of cloth they sell you at an exaggerated price because it has a logo on it, but it let's Amanda carry Lily hands-free, and we've been able to take some longer walks with both Lily and Pearl. One big happy family.

Lily on her due date, 12/6/08

Lily in her Moby wrap, 12/6/08

Lily, Amanda, and Pearl, going for a stroll 12/6/08

So today is Lily's due date, eight weeks since her birth, and four weeks since she's been home. She's now taking about two ounces of food per feeding, almost double since she's been home. We still have to feed her every three hours or so for another eight weeks, until we can see if she's ready to sleep longer. She has quite a library of books, most of which she's read already, and an already well documented wardrobe. Now that she's "officially" here, she can't wait to meet you all and say hi in person.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!

2008-11-26T22:00:00.000-08:00

Not to be trite, but we have a lot to be thankful for this year. Lily is rolling right along and doing better and better by the day. She was weighed this morning and sometime in the past few days has broken the five pound barrier. As of this morning she is a whopping 5lbs, 6.5oz., and 17 inches. She is now up three pounds since birth and well more than double her original 2lbs, 6.3oz. She is starting to fill in a little and has some rolls here and there (nothing like her dad, but I had a head start). In the past week or so, Lily has been awake more after her feedings, and is beginning to look around and track a little bit. During our home visit with our community health nurse today, she described Lily as the lowest risk of the high risk babies she sees. Her stroller just arrived today, so we're looking forward to her first venture to the outside world, so far she's only heard rumors. We are also ever thankful to Gramma Roz, who has been here the past week and allowed us to get gads of sleep. Thanks mom, and Happy Anniversary to you and Dad!

When we were in the hospital speculating when Lily would come home, I said if she were home by Thanksgiving I'd cook for three days. Yesterday was Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cheesecake, today was Cornbread Stuffing, and tomorrow is Green Bean Casserole, and then we feast!

Enjoy your first Thanksgiving, Lily! Too bad they don't make turkey flavored formula.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Pictures of Lily

2008-11-21T22:26:00.000-08:00

Just a quick update and some new pictures. Zantac is our new best friend. Our pediatrician gave us a prescription for Zantac the other day and it has helped tremendously. Lily has a lot less discomfort and is sleeping much better after eating. She also met her other Gramma yesterday when my mom came in for a visit. Gramma Roz accompanied us to her follow up appointment with the nutritionist, where we were able to get her newest stats: 4lbs, 13oz, and just under 17 inches.

And now, here are some recent pictures... Enjoy.

Sleeping Beauty 11/14/08

Pretty in Pink 11/19/08

My girls 11/19/08

Tell it to the hand 11/19/08

My mom, my wife, and my daughter 11/20/08

Gramma Roz and Lily 11/20/08

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful 11/21/08

Proud Gramma 11/21/08

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Random Thoughts, Pt. 1

2008-11-18T23:00:00.000-08:00

Since leaving the hospital, Lily has been weighed three times. Her last day in the hospital, 11/8, she weighed 4.3.5.

11/10 4.4

11/13 4.8

11/17 4.9

We're told we shouldn't worry about the slowing in weight gain, it's probably due to environmental changes, adjusting to life out of the NICU. There could also be minor discrepancies in the scales being used. Either way, we're not too concerned (at least the me of we isn't).

After a recent post where I said I sometimes worried in the middle of the night if Lily was still breathing, I got a lot of good advice and stories of similar feelings. I no longer have to worry about that, as Lily's reflux and gas are now constant reminders to us that she is still breathing. Those of you with kids may stop laughing now. Those of you who don't have kids yet, bookmark this page and re-read it when you bring your newborn home from the hospital, then we can all have a good laugh. Lily's has been a fussy little baby of late, and sometimes takes a good hour to an hour and a half to go back to sleep after eating. My sleep bank has been readily depleted, hence the shortage of recent posts, but I'm enjoying walking around in a zombie-like state and finally having a legitimate excuse.

We have received so many gifts, Lily now has more clothes than I do. We may never have to go shopping for her again. Seriously. Thank you.

Time to go mix up a fresh batch of formula.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

A Birthday Wish From Lily

2008-11-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Gramma Roz! You have always been one of my two favorite Grandmas. I hope you have a great birthday and have a nice dinner at Beau Jacks. I can't wait to meet you next week! Keep in touch, you're just like family (daddy told me to say that).

Oh, and Gramma, Don't Forget To Breathe.

At Home With Lily

2008-11-12T23:55:00.000-08:00

We've been home four days and still haven't found the owners manual. We have found a little routine, however. Maybe you're familiar: Sleep, cry, change diapers, feed, repeat. Lily spends most of her day sleeping in the bassinet next to the bed or kangarooing with Amanda. Amanda spends most of her day hanging out on the bed next to Lily's bassinet or kangarooing with Lily. I go to Starbucks, walk Pearl, run errands, feed Lily a few times a day, and have even been able to get back to the gym recently.

After all the practice we had in the hospital with the nurses support, we were pretty sure we were ready to take care of Lily, until our first night at home. After her first middle of the night feeding, we couldn't get her back to sleep. Typically, she had been falling asleep within minutes of eating, now that we were home, not so much. We (and by "we," I mean Amanda) eventually did get her to sleep, and have been figuring out some of her idiosyncrasies as we go. She seems to have a little reflux, which is common in preemies, and we discovered that if she is put down on an incline it bothers her a lot less. We have since found that it's even better if she is on an incline while she eats, rather than lying flat, and have been having good luck with that.

While it's great having her home and not having to go the hospital everyday, there are a few things we got used to that are hard to give up. While Lily was in the NICU, we had a ritual of calling first thing in the morning to see what her weight was and how much she had grown from the day before. Now that we're home and don't have a scale accurate enough to weigh her, we'll only find out her weight once a week or so, and after obsessing over it for four weeks, it's a long wait.

We also got used to having Lily monitored 24/7, so it was a bit disconcerting to get home the first night and not be able to see her heart rate at any given moment. I'm o.k. during the day, but at least once a night I have woken up wondering if she's still breathing. So far she has been every time.

And of course we miss the nurses. Not only were they amazing with their care and wealth of information, but we became friendly with a few of them. There have already been numerous times when I would have liked to consult one of them for one thing or another, it's difficult to give up a crutch once you get used to leaning on it.

Well, it's nearly midnight and I'll probably have to feed Lily in an hour or two, so...

Don't Forget To Breathe

Homecoming Queen

2008-11-08T23:30:00.000-08:00

To the one person (Kelly) who voted in the poll that Lily would be coming home no later than November 8th, congratulations! After 29 long days in the NICU, Lily has proven to the medical staff that she is ready to be cut loose form her tethers and finally meet her big sister Pearl. Yesterday she spent ninety worry-free minutes in her Chicco KeyFit 30 car seat, and a few hours ago she was discharged from Overlake Medical Center.

Lily taking her car seat test

She won't be outgrowing her car seat anytime soon

Lily's "Diploma" from the NICU

Wireless, and dressed to go home

The three of us are now at home in Issaquah, and Lily is on the bed with us as I write this. Her official time of arrival at home was 9:15pm, November 8, 2008. 28 days, 12 hours, and 54 minutes after her birth, but who's counting? She was born at 2lbs, 6.3oz, and went home at 4lbs, 3.5oz. Her gestational age is 36 weeks exactly. For those of you wondering, yes, she fits in a car seat. I picked the above mentioned seat because it's one of the few seats on the market rated for four pounds and up. The trip home was uneventful and she has pretty much been asleep since arriving, nonplused by her new surroundings.

Not an outstanding photo, but she's home!

As for us, Holy Expletive! We've got a baby at home! And there are no nurses here, no monitors, and no wires. What now? I guess we just start taking care of her and find out if the rumors are true about never sleeping again. Now, I've been waiting a long time to test out an experiment I've been working on. It started in college when I started sleeping all day instead of going to classes hoping I could bank my sleep hours for future use. It continued in my pre-marriage freelance years when an average non-work day consisted of: sleep. By my calculations I should have enough sleep stored up to last me approximately 11 years. We'll find out soon enough.

Amanda and I are so thrilled to finally have Lily here with us. It is at one time the end of a long, grueling journey, and the beginning of an exciting, life-changing adventure. Just to lay here and hold her after our odyssey is a gift I will be ever thankful for. I was holding her and watching her sleep, and just staring at her beautiful face, and couldn't believe she finally made it home and our little family is together.

My three girls

I find it nearly impossible to express my thanks and gratitude to all those who took part in her care the past four weeks, and for all they have imparted to us, they are a truly special group of people.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Worth 1000 words.

Keeping Up With Lily, Part 2

2008-11-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Once again, things have progressed with Lily faster than I've been able to blog. I am normally a world champion procrastinator, but even at my most diligent I'm having a hard time keeping up. They took Lily's feeding tube out a few days ago because it was irritating her breathing. Preemies are often nose breathers, and Lily was quite sniffly. The plan was to put it back in when she needed it, but she has taken all her feeds by bottle since then. I know I have described her as a rock star in the past, but she has gone from driving to gigs in a mini van and playing in smokey bars where you can hear the crowd over the music to flying in a private jet and playing to sold out audiences in stadiums that have been specially built to accommodate her massive crowds. She's just not wearing the leather pants yet.

Amanda and I are furiously getting the house ready, crossing our T's and dotting our eyes, I mean "I's." We are crawling out of our skin in anticipation of bringing Lily home, and see the light at the end of the tunnel. God, I hope that's not a train!

Also, I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to post this yet, but Lily was thrilled with the election results. We watched the coverage in the room with her on my laptop, and it was so amazing to be with my wife and newborn child to see the color barrier finally broken in this country. When I grew up, we were told we could be and do whatever we wanted; when Lily grows up those words will have meaning. When I grew up we were told all men are created equal; when Lily grows up those words will have meaning. I know we still have a long, long way to go in this country to erase racism, sexism, nationalism, and intolerance of so many different kinds it makes the head spin, but to think of how different a world Lily will grow up in than the one I started out in a mere two years before the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Jr., and Robert Kennedy can't help but to instill a sense of hope that I haven't felt for a long time. I always tell Lily, treat the universe well, and the universe will treat you well. I sure hope that's true.

Don't Forget To Breathe

11/4/08 I took Lily and MLK into the voting both with me

11/5/08

Class Dismissed

2008-11-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Before we found out Lily was going to be delivered early, we had been taking childbirth classes at the hospital. We were going two hours a night on Wednesdays for seven weeks. Most of the early classes focused on signs of labor, what to do when you feel contractions, what to do when your water breaks, how to relax when having contractions, and what to expect when we go to the hospital to deliver. The usual childbirth drivel. When we found out about the IUGR and the certainty of a C-section, we stopped attending. Our last class would have been tonight. Lily is 25 days old today and when I think about those classes it seems like years ago that we sat there and practiced breathing. In some ways I'm thankful to have Lily here early, and feel fortunate to be able to watch her grow, care for her, and bond with her. In other ways it's been a difficult journey that I wouldn't wish for anyone, but one that has given us otherwise unknown joys to see how well she has met every challenge she's faced. I hope all our former classmates have great birthing experiences, and bring home beautiful, healthy babies. But sitting here with Lily the past three and a half weeks and seeing the doctors and nurses gush over her progress each day is something I would never trade. Some things you just can't teach.

Below are some pictures I took yesterday while Lily was sleeping with Amanda.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

The $64,000 Question

2008-11-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

Lily 11/2/08

Everyone keeps asking us, When is Lily coming home? The short answer is: we have no idea. The long answer is: when she meets all her criteria for being ready to go home. The common misconception is that she has to reach a certain weight before being released, but really, there are six main criteria Lily has to meet before she gets her hall pass:

1. She has to be able to breathe on her own. Done. Since birth, Lily hasn't needed any oxygen or other breathing assistance.

2. She has to be able to maintain her body temperature in an open crib. Done. Since 10/29 Lily has enjoyed freedom from the enclosure of her isolette, and has maintained her body temp the whole time.

3. She has to all take her feedings by bottle or breast for 24-48 hours. This is her next big hurdle. She's fed every three hours, and is currently taking bottle feedings three to four times a day. When it's time for her to eat, we look at her for signs of being awake and alert, signs she is ready to suckle, and if she is we give her a bottle, or try to breast feed. They also look at how long it takes her to take the whole bottle, as it shouldn't take more than 30 minutes. The other day I was feeding her and she fell asleep about half way through with the bottle in her mouth. Yesterday, Amanda was feeding her and she took a whole bottle in six minutes. It's just a matter of maturity, and she is still considered just over 35 weeks gestational age, so she's doing great.

4. Lily has a few wires attached to her at all times that measure her heart rate, her respiration, and her oxygen purity, and we can see all these on her monitor. Whenever one of these goes out of range, the monitor beeps, and this is called a monitor event. They are usually nothing to worry about, it's common for babies to stop breathing for a moment or two, and sometimes it can be caused by something as simple as a burp or a hiccup. In order to go home, though, Lily must go five days without any "significant" monitor events.

5. Her final test is to be safe in a car seat or car bed (Yes, they make car beds for the little ones!). When they think she's ready to go home, we'll have to bring in our seat or bed, with the base, and they'll put her in it for 90 minutes. If she doesn't have any monitor events in the car seat, doesn't turn blue, and appears to be ok, she is ready. Finally!

6. I said there are six criteria, and she only has to meet five. The last one is on us. They won't let us take her home if they don't think we're ready to care for her. That's why we've been doing most of her care here in the NICU. We take her temperature, change her diapers, change her clothes, feed her, and wash her. They'll send us home with nutritional information, a schedule of return appointments, and a litany of other helpful info, then it's Hello, Issaquah! I hope she likes the rain.

As you know from reading Lily's Growth Chart, she has been gaining weight steadily. The nutrition specialist was going over her grid with us today, and said in seven years of working with preemies, Lily is the first one she has ever seen meet all her growth goals from day one. She is now "on the grid" at the 3rd percentile for her age.

Don't Forget To Breathe

Lily's Real Growth Grid

At birth she was below the 3rd percentile in weight

Movin' On Up

2008-10-31T23:00:00.000-07:00

Lily 10/29/08

Being an astute follower of the real estate market, Lily decided today was a good time to buy, so she convinced her doctor she was ready to get out of her condo (her isolette) and get herself in to a new crib (for our readers of a more advanced age, a "crib" is not only somewhere a baby sleeps, but slang for ones house or home). One theory is that once she is out of her isolette, she may burn so much energy keeping herself warm that her growth will slow down, but the only way to find out is to test it, so this afternoon Lily's isolette was rolled out and her new crib was brought in. Her isolette had been down to 28 celsius, so it's really not much of a stretch to be outside, and in fact, one nurse told us the room temperature in the NICU might even be warmer than 28. They'll keep a pretty close eye on her for 24 hours or so and see how she reacts, and if she needs to go back in she will. But for now, Lily is extremely happy to be out of the fishbowl, taking one step closer to the door, and continually reminding us we better start getting our act together at home. Your bassinet awaits you, Lily, with bells on. And a mobile.

Don't Forget To Breathe

Edited 11/1/08: The morning after Lily's first night in a crib, she had a weight gain of 2.2 oz.

Lily's new crib 10/31/08

Lily in her new crib 10/31/08

When It Rains...

2008-10-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

With all of Lily's recent developments, I've been remiss in sharing some family news. My sister and brother-in-law, Julie and Jeff Kowalsky, adopted a beautiful baby boy, Louis Evan Kowalsky. Born 10/20/08, at 9lbs, 12oz, he shares his birthday with Amanda. Julie and Jeff found out about the adoption match the afternoon of the 20th, and picked him up and brought him home on the 21st. So my parents had two grandchildren in nine days, for a total of three now, one from myself and each of my two sisters. Lucas Hereford, Shari's son, was born 11/9/06, so yes, the three cousins are Lucas, Lily, and Louie!

Julie, Jeff, and Louie are all doing great, and we're all looking forward to raising our kids together and having them get to know each other. At the tender young age of 42, I was the youngest of my sibs to have my first child. Good times.

Don't Forget To Breathe

Keeping Up With Lily

2008-10-28T20:45:00.000-07:00

Lily's progress the past few days has been so great it's hard to keep up with her sometimes. The other day she wanted so much to speak out for Barack Obama for president, that I didn't get a chance to mention the recent improvements in her feedings and the temperature inside her isolette.

First, let's talk about her isolette. When Lily first came to the NICU, they were keeping her glass house (really it's lucite, but let's not nit pick) around 34 degrees celsius, regulating her body temperature to around 37 celsius. As she grows and is able to keep herself warm, the isolette temp is gradually dropped to compensate. After her first week or so the isolette was down to 30.5 where it stayed for about five days. The past few days, however, they have been steadily lowering the isolette temp, and today it is at 28.0 celsius. This is pretty significant, as 28 is about the same as the room temp outside the isolette, a sign that she may be moved to a crib any day now. As Lily was breathing on her own since being born, being able to regulate her own temperature was one of her next big steps, and she seems to be well on her way.

Lily's isolette, 10/11/2008 34.6 degrees

Lily's isolette today, 10/28/08 28.0 degrees

Another sign of her being ready for the real world will be to take her feedings from a bottle rather than feeding tube. It isn't until around 34 weeks or so that babies are able to mouth feed. They have to learn to suckle, swallow and breathe at the same time, and rest when they need to. Also, at her age and size, just trying to do all that can burn a lot of calories (if only we could burn calories just trying to eat). The other day at one of her scheduled feeding times, she was awake and alert, so we decided to try to give her a bottle. With nurse Missy's assistance and guidance, I held her, and as soon as I put the bottle in her mouth, she started going at it like a pro. She even stopped after a short time to give herself a rest, but took every last drop from the bottle. Since then she has taken from the bottle about every other feeding during the day. At night when we're not at the hospital they usually feed her through her tube so she can stay rested for us to give her the bottle the next day.

Daddy feeding Lily for the first time 10/26/08

Mommy feeding Lily 10/28/08

I know this is not the last time I won't be able to keep up with my little one, I just didn't expect the first time to come so soon. I guess I better start getting in shape.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Babies For Obama

2008-10-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

As you know from reading this blog, it hasn't been an easy start for me. My first 4-8 weeks will be spent in the hospital because I can't regulate my own temperature or even eat on my own yet. I have great doctors and nurses and loving parents taking care of me, and eventually I will head home and grow up to be big and strong. For now, though, there is one thing I ask of you:

So that my first 4-8 years may be years of hope, love, and peace,

So that I may grow up in a land where people come before corporations;

So that I may grow up in a land where civil liberties come before fear mongering;

So that I may grow up in a land where equal rights come before prejudice and bigotry;

So that I may grow up in a land where tolerance comes before hatred;

So that I may grow up in a land where education comes before bombs,

So that I may grow up in a land where love of man comes before love of money;

So that I may grow up in a land where negotiation comes before threats;

So that I may grow up in a land where all options come before war and war is not an option,

I ask that you please vote for Barack Obama and make him my first president.

Don't Forget To Breathe.

Lily Maia Rogers

A Few Firsts

2008-10-24T21:49:00.000-07:00

Lily had her first bath Thursday. One of her nurses, Lex, wanted to move her feeding tube, and since her PICC line had already been removed it was a rare opportunity for her to be wire-free. She was washed in a plastic tub about the size of a shoe box, which was placed in the sink. Amanda washed her by hand, gently massaging her with soap and warm water, and she seemed to enjoy it. I would have helped, but I was too busy documenting the event with a video camera in one hand and my still camera in the other.

Lily's First Bath 10/23/08

"Look mom, no wires!"

Upon arriving to see her Saturday morning, I was greeted by Lily's first set of hand and foot prints, taken by the nurses some time since we left Friday.

When I have a chance, I'll re-post these with a frame of reference.

Don't forget to breathe.

Next Week: French Fries

2008-10-22T10:33:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been business as usual for Lily. Each morning we wake up and call the NICU to see how her night was, and each morning has been good news. Her weight has been going up since Friday, six days in a row now. Even after her first real poop, which I had the pleasure of changing the diaper (sorry, no pics), she went up a few grams.

Up to now Lily has been getting her nutrition in two ways, a feeding tube that goes into her nose and directly to her stomach, and a PICC line, which is essentially an IV (not a roman numeral 4) that can remain in for a longer term than a standard IV. I would tell you what goes in the PICC line and what goes in the feeding tube, but it's only been explained to me about twenty times, so I'm not exactly sure yet, but the nourishment in the PICC line is there to fortify what she gets from the feeding tube (all you docs out there may feel free to explain by posting a comment). The good news is, Lily has been tolerating her feedings so well that the PICC line was removed this afternoon and she is now getting all her eats directly into her belly. Next week: french fries!

Additionally, for the past few days Lily has been one of a group of three babies being cared for by the same nurse, rather than one of two, another good sign of her progress that she does not require constant attention.

The last few days we have had her out of the isolette for an hour or two at a time twice a day, doing our Kangaroo Care, or skin-to-skin. And in her 33rd week, she has already been able to take some milk from the breast, quite impressive since her tiny mouth can barely latch on to mom.

Bottom line: Lily is a star pupil, a rock star, a champion, and a scrappy little bugger. I think we're going to have our hands full with this one!

Don't forget to breathe.

Lily's Growth Chart

2008-10-22T09:46:00.000-07:00

I will try to keep this post updated with Lily's stats so you can follow her growth until she goes home. While in the NICU she is weighed daily, and her height (why do y'all insist on calling it length? she's not a snake) is measured weekly. (2.6.3 is read as 2lbs, 6.3oz) Grow Lily, Grow!!

Date Grams Lbs./Oz. Height (cm)

10/11 1087 2.6.3 36.3 (14.25 in)

10/12 1066 2.5.6

10/13 1033 2.4.4 36.0

10/14 1044 2.4.8

10/15 1036 2.4.5

10/16 1023 2.4.1

10/17 1096 2.6.7

10/18 1127 2.7.8

10/19 1183 2.9.7

10/20 1202 2.10.4 38.0

10/21 1208 2.10.6

10/22 1232 2.11.5

10/23 1265 2.12.6

10/24 1303 2.14.0

10/25 1335 2.15.1

10/26 1389 3.1.0

Date Grams Lbs./Oz. Height (cm)

10/27 1409 3.1.7 40cm

10/28 1442 3.2.9

10/29 1496 3.4.8

10/30 1530 3.6.0

10/31 1572 3.7.5

11/1 1635 3.9.7

11/2 1697 3.11.9

11/3 1742 3.13.5 40

11/4 1758 3.14.0

11/5 1799 3.15.5

11/6 1865 4.1.8

11/7 1875 4.2.1

11/8 1914 4.3.5

Now that Lily is home and she only gets weighed at doctor appointments, I won't be updating this post, but will update her weight from time to time in newer posts.

A Womb With A View

2008-10-19T14:33:00.001-07:00

After two weeks of stress and worry, it was nice to have a week of good news and joy. Amanda came home Tuesday afternoon, and soon after I picked up Pearl (our dog) from our friend’s house, where she had been since Thursday. As they say, there is no psychiatrist like a dog licking your face. And there is no psychiatrist like your newborn daughter meeting and exceeding all expectations. Lily has been doing exceptionally well in the NICU, taking most of her food, performing like a champ when being poked, prodded, measured, and changed, and doing her most important job she has right now: sleeping. Some of her nurses have already described her as feisty and scrappy. Her weight had dropped slightly over the first five days, as is expected with all newborns, but took a nice jump Friday morning to exceed her birth weight (2lbs, 6.3oz), and went up again today to 2lbs, 9.7oz.

Amanda and I have developed somewhat of a routine. We try to get to the hospital in the morning and spend a few hours visiting. Lily is in an isolette (the modern term for an incubator) most of the day, and they only like to handle her when they have to, around her feeding schedule. When we are there for her feedings, one of us takes her temperature and changes her diaper. Her diaper, by the way, would fit in my shirt pocket. When the nurses are done doing whatever they have to do with her, one of us gets to do what they call Kangaroo Care. They take her out of her isolette, unwrap her from her blankets, and lay her down on our bare chest, then cover her back up with a blanket. Then we sleep, or at least she does. We can do this for an hour or two, once or twice a day. This practice was discovered by doctors in Colombia who ran out of incubators for their babies, and they found out that not only could the baby receive enough warmth from the mothers or fathers body, but there were additional benefits. Laying skin-to-skin also helps stabilize the baby’s breathing and heartbeat. When you can only have contact with your baby for a limited time each day, Kangaroo Care is like chicken soup for the soul, two hours goes by like five minutes. The first time I had her on my chest and Manda asked me how it was, I believe my response was, “Better than cheesecake.”

We usually go home for a little while in the afternoon, rest for a few hours, and try to get back to see Lily after dinner sometime. It’s a lot of back and forth, and can be tiresome, but we’re lucky to be relatively close to the hospital, 15-20 minutes in light traffic, or 30 minutes in heavy traffic.

Although I would never wish for anyone to have to deliver at 32 weeks, I have found a few silver linings the past week in the NICU. Having your baby in an isolette, while at times scary, is a rare glimpse into the developmental process, and why I call it a Womb With A View. She pretty much sleeps all day, but at times is very active, kicking and flailing around, yawning, making faces, staring at the walls at times, basically everything she would be doing in utero. I consider it bonus time, since she can’t come home with us, but we still get to peek in on her. We are getting excellent hands-on training from the nurses here, and I feel like I will be infinitely more prepared to care for her when she comes home than I would have been if she went full term.

A Womb With A View

Lily through her "porthole"

As I sit here finishing this post, Lily is kangarooing with Amanda, and even though I’m just observing my wife and daughter lying skin-to-skin, bonding and nurturing each other, it’s still better than cheesecake. And I remind myself, don’t forget to breathe.

Lily and Mama-Roo

A Minute To Breathe

2008-10-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

It’s Thursday, October 16, 2008…. I am sitting in the Special Care Nursery at Overlake Hospital in Bellevue, WA watching my daughter sleep comfortably on her fathers' chest completely in awe. Lily is five days old and already I can’t imagine my life without her in it. Was it really just seven days ago that I was admitted to the hospital for high blood pressure? Thirteen days ago that we first learned something wasn’t quite right with the pregnancy? Twelve weeks ago that we learned we would be having a girl? Seven months since we found out we would be having a baby? Wow- what a blur!

Neal and Lily on her 5th day

I feel so blessed to have her here, now, safe and growing. Knowing that she is exactly where she needs to be brings me a peace of mind that I haven’t felt for weeks. I am thankful for my doctors for being so proactive in my treatment plan. I am thankful for Lily’s nurses for nurturing her and caring for her around the clock. I am thankful for Neal who has remained as solid as a rock throughout the last few weeks. But mostly I am thankful for my little girl who brings a smile to my face and a joy to my soul.

Don't forget to breathe.

Lily Maia Rogers, 5 days, 2lbs, 4.1oz

Amanda and Lily, 4 days old

There's A Plan

2008-10-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

My how things change in a week. The last week has been the craziest rollercoaster ride I've ever been on, and I'm pretty sure it's just the beginning. Here is a brief timeline of events:

10/2 (Thurs) - Amanda is worried she is not feeling baby kick enough for 31 weeks of pregnancy. She called her OB and she recommended that we go to the hospital for a non-stress test (NST), where they listen to the baby's heartbeat for 30-40 minutes to make sure it's doing what it's supposed to. The test went fine, but the doctor on call suggested we go in the next day for an ultrasound instead of waiting another week for our scheduled appointment, mostly to ease our minds.

10/3 (Fri) - We went in for an ultrasound, one day before week 31 of pregnancy. This is where our world was turned upside down (for now, we hope). Our baby was measuring below the tenth percentile in size for her gestational age, and was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). She was not getting the nutrients she needed from the placenta, and would probably have to be delivered early. How early, they weren't sure. They want to leave her in as long as they can until we reach the point where she is better off coming out. At this point we schedule ultrasound appointments for Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and go home and cry.

10/4-5 (Sat-Sun) - We spend most of the weekend talking to friends and family, getting advice and support. All of a sudden, everyone I know has had a preemie, was a preemie, or knows someone who just had a preemie. It is the two longest days of our married lives, waiting for our Monday ultrasound.

10/6 (Mon) - Amanda worked a half day in the morning, which was what she was scheduled for, and then we went for an afternoon ultrasound. The dopplers we were most concerned with relating to blood flow from the placenta to the baby all look good, and we breathe a sigh of relief. Dr. Walker tells us we are probably good for at least a week based on this, which was great news after a harrowing weekend of worry of what will be. We decide to put Amanda on self-imposed bed rest, even though no one has told us to. She does not work the rest of the week.

10/8 (Wed) - Another good set of tests, an ultrasound and another NST, and we are just hoping to get to 34 weeks before we have to deliver. Amanda's blood pressure is up a little, but not alarmingly so. The problem with the high BP is that Amanda could be developing preeclampsia, which is dangerous to both mother and baby. Wednesday evening, Amanda's mom, Barbara, calls to let us know she has a flight the next day and will arrive around 2:30pm.

10/9 (Thurs) - We have scheduled a tour of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for 11:00am. This is where the baby will be after she is delivered, and will stay here until she comes home with us, and the tour is recommended by a few people so we have an idea what our baby will be facing, and to give us an idea of how she will be cared for. I think we both just want to catch a glimpse of a preemie so we can see how small they are, but when you walk through the NICU they discourage "window shopping."

Our plan after the tour is to stop by our doctors office, have a quick NST to make sure everything is o.k., then pick up Barbara at the airport. The NST went fine, but Manda's BP was high, 145/95. It was at this point that the doctor said she wanted to admit us. She asked us if we needed to go home, or if we were ready. We'd been bringing our bags with us since Monday, so that was that, Manda was admitted around 3:00, and Barbara took a taxi to the hotel.

The idea was to give her medicine to get her blood pressure down, and she was given an IV with magnesium sulfate (mag). The mag is great for lowering BP, but otherwise it's like "here, have the flu." Manda was nauseous, hot, achy, and headachy. Not much fun, but her blood pressure dropped to about 117/75 by the morning. Now that we're in the hospital, they can monitor her more closely, but we are still anxious to know how long she'll be able to carry the baby before they think it's not safe. If she was born today, her birthday would be 10/9/8.

10/10 (Fri) - In the morning Manda's BP is down to a comfortable level, so they lower the mag dosage and she begins to feel better. Around 11:30, we have an ultrasound in the room, and again, everything looks good. At this point, we know it's not going to get better. The placenta does not regenerate itself, but nothing has gotten worse, so it's a good scan. The plan is for our next scan to be Sunday, but Dr. thinks we are good until at least Monday, but probably not more than a week to ten days until we deliver. We still want to get to 34 weeks, but I realize this is not in our control.

That afternoon, Manda's 24 hour urine analysis comes back with a high amount of protein, another indication of preeclampsia. Around 6:30-7:00, our nurse comes in and tells us Dr. Haynes, the doctor on call, will be in shortly to talk to us about "the plan."

"There's a plan?"

"Yes, there's a plan. Dr. Haynes will be in soon to tell you about the plan."

"What's the plan?"

"They're going to deliver you tomorrow morning. At 7:30"

" "

"Are you ok?"

Then the nurse explained what was going to happen in the morning, what I would do, where I'd go, what and when they would do throughout the procedure, a lot to take in, but we listened the best we could. Our little girl would be delivered exactly at 32 weeks. Then the doctor came in and went through the process and answered any questions we had, which were many. There were so many people in and out of the room, it was hard to keep track of who was who and what they were doing and telling us. We just kept thinking about 7:30.

10/11 (Sat) - Lily Maia Rogers was born at 8:21am, weighing 2lbs 6.3oz, 14.25 inches tall. She was breathing on her own, which is great for 32 weeks, and hasn't needed any help yet. She and mom both came through the c-section in great shape, although mom had a few more drugs afterwards. After the drama of our last week, it was incredible to see Lily in person and felt like two tons off my shoulders when they told me she was o.k. As every minute passed, I felt more and more assured that she would be fine, and when I finally got to hold her, about an hour later, it was the best feeling I could ever imagine.

Lily Maia Rogers 10/11/2008 8:29am

The rest of the day is kind of a blur for me, but I remember most of it being spent going back and forth between the nursery and Manda's room, checking in on Lily and giving Manda updates. We wheeled Manda to the nursery around 9:00pm and for the first time, Mom, Dad, and Lily were together.

Lily Maia Rogers 10/11/2008 12:19pm

Lily will be in the NICU for a few weeks, and come home near her original due date of Dec 6, although many nurses have told us we could probably expect to bring her home anywhere from 1-3 weeks sooner. Don't forget to breathe.

The Story Begins With A Plot Twist

2008-10-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

I became a father on Friday, October 3, 2008. My child has not been born yet, but that was the day our world changed. On Friday we began worrying about our little girl for the first time, formally entering the world of parenthood, as premature as our daughter herself will be. After 31 weeks of a pretty easy pregnancy, we were informed our baby has Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). This means she is not getting the nutrients she needs to grow, and weighs only 1000 grams, or about 2.2 lbs. This is the weight she should have been at at about 27 weeks, and puts her under the 10th percentile for her gestational age. Because of this we are suddenly faced with the almost certainty of a c-section delivery anytime between now and the next three to four weeks. Our best case scenario has us delivering at 34 weeks, which would be about 4 weeks early. We are suddenly faced with three ultrasound appointments next week, knowing that any day they could decide to admit us and deliver the baby. We have spent most of the past two days on the phone with friends and family, getting incredible advice and support. Everyone seems to know someone who had a preemie, and they all have success stories. My mom reminded me that I was born three weeks early and spent a few days in an incubator, and look at me now, I know how to type! We are looking to find the best care we can possibly receive, and are very fortunate in Seattle to have first class perinatal care available to us. Babies born at 31 weeks and later tend to do very well, so I am remaining pretty positive that our girl will come through this and be a happy, healthy baby. Since we had not chosen a name yet, I thought we should call her Lil, as she is so tiny. Then I went to this website, and we did a search for names meaning Warrior, because we want her to come out fighting, and the name at the top of the list is, and I couldn’t make this up, Abner. So I may be referring to her as Lil Abner here until she’s born and we name her. As Amanda was crying on the way home from the ultrasound Friday, I told her this isn’t the end of the movie, it’s just a plot twist, we’re still going to have a happy ending. And I fully expect to. And I had to remind her: Don't Forget To Breathe.

(Note: This was written Oct 5, 2008. I decided not to post this until we deliver the baby and know she is healthy, so if you're reading this, she is.)